Chug Chug Chugging Chug Chugging On

yesterday: got night activity again tonight. still debating on whether or not to ditch half day's work tomorrow. geez. seriously lacking motivation lately. dum-dum-dee-dum. contemplating on my boss' survival if i filed for vacation leave... um, let's say, for a week? i so long for an 8-hour work day with little or no OT required and a job description that doesn't include being on call (official or otherwise)

today: activity supposedly-ended at 4:30am. didn't have to go to work after all. spent the day sleeping slash qt slash smiling a whole lot. no crime in being happy, really really happy. it was simply wonderful. been such a long time since i felt like this. totally happy and contented, but as they say, every feeling comes and goes so i'm not banking on this to last perpetually... i'm just in the moment, enjoying it and looking forward to the next time the butterfly lands on my shoulder again. today, i loved waking up... 3 times! loved sleeping in the safest place on earth. loved the conversations. loved simply looking and appreciating. loved getting mesmerized. 24 hours really aint enough sometimes.

Birthday Wishlist

i know my birthday's a month away, but i've decided to give them jacq-loving people a head start. see, i'm thoughtfully selfish. hahahahahaha.

lemme see...

1. since i was not able to get this bag, i'm putting it in.
2. vertigo prune laptop bag (it's supposed to be for macs, but hey, still love the bag... and hello?! it's purple!)

3. a surprise... anything.
4. love letter. can never get enough of those.
5. boots!! no specific kind yet, but not knee high though. something for everyday office use.
6. coat. long. red. ^_^
7. anything else from my bucket list.

What Life?

just got home from a church event. had fun. went there with tan, invited chad and anne, too. the sermon was good. at first, as with usual church things, it was boring, and i found myself yawning every now and then, but it got better and a whole lot interesting eventually.got me thinking, though. am i really on the right path? well, i don't really know which path i am on right now. i'm guessing i'm going around in circles like at a rotonda or something, trying to decide which turn to take. so far, my life consists of work, work, and more work. as for my social life, it's thisclose to being kaput. hmm, i get to go jogging on tuesdays with tan and whoever is free from nacm. as for jek, they have soccer, then. also, by the time i finish work/ot and get there, they're half past tired. i used to have running sched during thursdays, too. during then, i go with my officemates, but lately i kept passing due to night activities. hopefully, i get to go this coming thursday.

i miss pia. i miss habi peeps. guys, when do we get to go out? seriously, people... rescue me from work overload. hello?! it's not yet the end of the month and i already got 50 hours of OT under my name.

Let Me Lie

down...

i need sleep so bad. i just want to curl up and have a long deep slumber. had two night activities last week, and another two this week. would have been a whole lot better if they had lasted til 6am, that way i wouldn't have to go to work the next day, but they didn't, so i had to be present the next working day. i love the work, but the load and timing sucks. seriously, why can't we hire one additional person? anyway, you make do with what you have... chugging on, chugging on...

i want to leave. i desperately need a vacation. been saying this for the past year or so, i think. darn. need. to. make. this. happen. i need to get away, away from work, from the pressure, from the endless cycle of working life.

stress caught up with me this afternoon. i gave up, caved, and had dq's chocolate extreme and mcdonald's large fries. yum. felt a bit better afterward, but was/is still tired.

Will Wait for the First August Rain

ganito ba talaga kapag may namimiss? nagiging emo? hahaha.

been listening to "relevant" songs for the past 30 minutes already. by relevant, i'm pertaining to those songs he played and sang for me, songs i like, songs he likes, songs we both like... point being, i like having someone to miss. knowing he misses me too is the icing on the cake. ^_^ makes me look forward to the next time we'll see each other again.

"missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will."

in the mean time, i get to have alone time, which is really quite relaxing if people at home could stop bugging me for about 5 seconds. i have bout 6 books in line. hopefully i'll get to finish one today. wonder if i could go swim tonight?

tomorrow's monday. i'm not exactly excited for work, tamang motivation lang. i think i get to have my new-old laptop tomorrow. still having mixed feelings leaving my old desktop behind. but hey, i'm moving forward. will do formatting and installations tomorrow. back up stuff. please please please let the laptop have a decent dvd burner.

still pining for that shopping spree. patience is holding, i think. :) a month and a week more. i sure could use a pleasant surprise or something to break the monotony of everyday office life.

shout out to pia... pia! we gotta go out and do something, just not shopping yet. haha

Night Activity

i missed this.

this time around, everything's better. :) for one thing, i don't have to worry too much about commuting alone to site at the dead of night. i'm safe. only drag is that your body clock gets so messed up you can't think straight during the day... but hey, i get to spend more time with one special to me.

thing is, i'm being so selfish letting him do this for me. he needs his rest. so much more than i need my sleep.

when the drowsiness threatens, what do you do? well, in my case tonight... i blog about nothing and everything.

recently, i've been finding humor with having night activities simply because i'm almost always in win win situations. see, if he's on night duty, i get to work and spend time with him. if he's not, i still get to spend time with him right up to before i start my activity... (because he's sweet that way). if i'm not the one attending the activity, ok pa rin. hahaha.

my nightly savior for the past few activities... skittles. i'm back with the old addiction. skittles wild berry. yum! helps a bit in prolonging my otherwise below zero alertness.

concentrate. focus. stay awake and conscious.

soooooo sleepy. kind of just babbling right now. every bone in my body's tired. i need to rest. i so so so so wish i could just go back to my safe place and sleep. but i can't. not yet. oh well.

hopefully, tonight's work ends 'round 5 or 6 so i'd have the rest of the day to myself.

Chalk One Up for Learning Something New

was able to edit my blog layout without knowing anything about html. am i cool or what?! hahaha, excuse the shallowness. i'm proud of myself. after half an hour of tinkering with this, i finally have a new downloaded-then-customized layout. yay, me! see facebook and multiply buttons? so cool. modified the colors a bit, too. see, green and pink look good together. cuteness!!

reached my learning quota for the day. next...!

It's a Sunday for Crying Out Loud

i really thought i'd be out like a light today. was up until 'round 4am this morning coz of dysmenorrhea and something else. woke up to my asshole of a brother raising hell on purpose. when i told him to shut the hell up... well didn't really, just made an annoyed sound kinda like zzzhhhshhh! then used my pillow to cover my head... anyway, when i did that, his response was "pakialam ko, tanghali na." ASSHOLE. nevermind that i was up 'til morning namimilipit sa sakit, lalo pa niya sinadya lakasan yung boses nya at nagsisisigaw. damn. thinking bout all those times i was nice and let him sleep peacefully in the rat's place of a room we share, after his gimmicks with his friends... hay, lech!

so, instead, i'm blogging my irritation out. it's called venting. i do believe it's healthy every once in a while. hey, shit happens. i'm just still having a hard time understanding why it keeps happening to me. probably coz of the many unfortunate people in the world, i'm the lucky one (insert sarcasm here) who gets to live with two of the biggest assholes in the universe. good God, what have i done to deserve this?

ok, so it's a sunday, and i'm bored out of my skull trying to think of stuff to do. initially thought of putting together my long-time-planned-but-never-got-to-do-scrapbook. started friday. stopped and finally admitted i have no artistic talent whatsoever... wait, scratch that, make it i have no talent whatsoever. geez. ran out of photopaper, and motivation. it'd be a whole lot cooler if i was doing the scrapbooking with someone who shares the same want to have memories. oh well, rockwell.

hey, something good happened this start of the year, though. lookie what i got for the new year:

a word/promise kept and a love letter in one. got it january 5, 2010. cool. good start... great start.

moving on, i'm pining for a shopping spree yet again. what?! new year, ergo new wardrobe and new stuff. yeah, i know, lame. ok, fine then. i'm not shopping for any selfish thing until my birthday. happy? now, to actually find the patience and restraint to do that...

hey, before that, i got valentine's day to look forward to. whoever said valentine's was only for couples was sadly mistaken. i'm single (but not available) and looking forward to it.

2010 shall rock!