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I promised to do a part 2 and 3 on the Before I Do post I did in the beginning of May. After going through the May 10 workshop and the others that followed, I decided to do more breakdowns. Sorry for the delay. Here is part 2:
So, I'd like to break it down to the three components in a marriage: God, Husband, and Wife. The Before and After I Do workshop provided a great illustration on this:
Obviously, as with everything, the marriage should be centered on God. He is to be your anchor, your basis for everything. As the husband and wife focus on their relationship with God and grow closer to Him, they grow closer to each other at the same time.
Although it seems to be such a thing of common sense, I learned a lot from this. I learned that you're not supposed to go into a relationship expecting your partner to complete you. You both have to be complete in Christ, because two incomplete people can't make each other whole. People disappoint, people fail, people may not always be there, but ultimately, our God is, and forever will be perfect. Marriage is not a give and take with your spouse. It is always a give. You take from God. He alone could sustain you. Whatever overflows from that, you give to your spouse and loved ones. Amazing? I know, right?! So much enlightenment!
I'd like to promote the blogs of a couple of wonderful ladies, who write about their walk with Christ in their marriage, in being super moms, and in being a woman of the Lord.
Joy Tan-chi, author of teachwithjoy.com
She's the daughter of our Pastor in CCF. She has been through a lot, and have inspired a lot. A mother of 5, a supportive wife to her husband, and an overall inspiring woman. You may browse through her blog for more information, or find videos through youtube. I don't know her personally apart from these, so I hope she doesn't mind me sharing this with you. If it will be for God's glory, why not, right?
Liana Perete author of http://coffeetalkswithhim.wordpress.com/
We met through her husband, who is a colleague of mine. Her thirst for Christ is amazing, and her lamp is burning ever so brightly, lighting up not only the nooks and crannies of her home, but spilling over everyone around her as well.
The links are listed on my blog roll (Blog Hopping portion) as well. Happy reading!
Now I'm not going to pretend that I am a great example of how to be a perfect bride-to-be, nor am I claiming that my relationship with Marc is immaculate. I am far from pristine, and our relationship is a perpetual work in progress. For me, that's the exciting part: we get to experience God continuously working in our lives and our marriage.
What little I know about being ready for marriage, I'm about to share in this part 1 post, as I am currently in that state of my life. After that, I'll do a part 2 on what the Bible says about it. Then next week or sometime around that, I'll be doing a part 3 wherein I'll be adding on and/or correcting what I wrote on parts 1 & 2. This is after Marc and I attend CCF's "Before and After I Do" workshop seminar on May 10.
For soon-to-be weds and newlyweds, I'd like to invite you to attend this. It's at CCF main in Tiendesitas, on May 10, 2014, 8:30AM - 5:00PM. Registration on the day is at 1000Php per couple. For more information, you may check CCF's website: www.ccf.org.ph
Marc and I are about to tie the knot on January. Before deciding to marry, we had a few of "the talk". Basically, there are the negotiables and the non-negotiables. I'm focusing on the non-negotiables because, well, they're the important ones. Here are ours:
1. We had to both be Christians. When we became girlfriend and boyfriend, he wasn't a Christian yet. Although I stressed the importance of my faith even before, it was a disobedience on my part at the time, and I wouldn't advice the same to anyone. It was sheer grace from God that he became a Christian, December of 2013. An important note: A Christian not only by words, but by walk.
2. Before getting married, we have to prepare ourselves: Physically - we wouldn't be able to take care of each other if we're sickly or weak, would we? Emotionally - we had to make sure we didn't have any emotional baggage from past relationships. Spiritually - in such a way that we have strong morals; our hearts being in tune with Christ's. More on that on part 2. I'd like to add also, just to clearly state the obvious: Absolutely no sex before marriage. Financially - not necessarily millionaires, but enough so we don't start our married life in debt, and we have enough not to be dependent on other people, i.e. parents for our survival. Maturity - are we ready to leave our single life and prioritize the welfare of each other over our own?
3. We have concrete plans. Not the typical we fall in love, get married, live happily ever after. More like, how much do we budget for the wedding, how much do we need as start up for our future, how much emergency fund we need to maintain, where do we live after getting married, how do we support ourselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually in our marriage, etc.
4. I almost forgot this very important part. When I prayed about getting married, the passage God gave me was about honoring my parents. With this in mind, we had to make sure both sets of parents were on board with this. Marc talked to his parents, and when they confirmed that they approved of me, he asked for my parents' blessings before proposing to me. (I know, I have a wonderful husband-to-be. All thanks and glory be to God.) Imagine not having to deal with monster in-laws! Bliss!
The point is that, getting married is not only about the wedding, but the marriage. It's not a one day thing that you plan for. It's an everyday decision to keep loving your spouse and your kids; an everyday effort to learn, love, and grow together. It's being sensitive to your future family's needs more than ever, every single day... and on that note, I'd like to end with Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages.
I've had the pleasure of reading the short version and it gave me so much helpful insights and I've been trying my best to apply what I've learned ever since. I'm planning to buy the paperback copy soon.
This month, I had been accidentally tasked the job of organizing our Christmas party. It started with everyone asking me whether we’ll have one this year or not. I decided to ask the boss who replied something to the effect of “We could, if you want.” I forgot the exact words. Anyway, I sent the compromising e-mail asking them if they want to have one. From there, everyone kinda assumed I’d step up and arrange it for them.
Being a part of last year’s committee, I knew off bat that this won’t be an easy task. I just thought people would want to volunteer and help. Boy, how wrong I was. Everyone, with the exception of a select few just wanted to pay up and have the party without helping with the arrangements. This stressed me out a few times. I mean, you want a party, you’d better help arrange it. I do have a point, don’t I? Yet, this logic doesn’t seem to apply to them.
Two weeks after that dooming e-mail, the frustration, irritation, and impatience are taking their toll. It’s like being pregnant, when the contractions are getting closer to each other. There were people who confirmed their participation, but backed out when it was time to pay. Then there were those who can’t decide if they’re going or not. What could be so hard? It’s a yes or no thing. Probably the worst ones are those who wanted to go to the event unwilling to contribute to the funds, telling me things like, “Hahabol lang kami” or “Sige, hindi na lang kami kakain”. I mean, come on, really?! What are we supposed to tell you when you get there? You can’t have any food or drinks because you did not pay your designated fee? Seriously?!
Anyway, that and a series of petty issues came up, like we need a tent because the old one is too ugly to repair, like the lights used last year are missing so we need to make new ones, yada, yada, yada. You can then imagine steam coming out of my ears, but then somehow God reminded me that as a Christian, I am supposed to serve others. I was created to serve others for the same way I serve them, I am serving Him.
Matthew 25:40 (NASB) The King will answer and say to them, “Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.”
I kept thinking that this is so hard, not to mention unfair, but then again the world isn’t fair. It isn’t about being fair. It’s about loving. Each other. As God loved us. Sure, I could just drop everything and justify that it isn’t part of my job description, it isn’t my responsibility, but that isn’t loving, that is not serving in love.
Galatians 5:13-14 (NASB) For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, “You shall love your neighbour as yourself.”
John 13:34-35 (NASB) A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.
After all, Jesus Christ came to serve. The Highest of High came, served, and gave His life as an ultimate sacrifice to save us all. Who am I to complain?
Mark 10:44-45 (NASB) and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.
So I’ll suck it up and remind myself that aside from doing this for them, I am doing this for the Lord. Let there be joy in my heart while serving, and to God be the glory for all this, especially the enlightenment.
In the spirit of Christmas, let us serve one another, and let this Christ-like attitude last even after the season.
Like most Christians, I am struggling to be a better person. Like all people, I am having such a hard time doing so. In comparison to ladies my age, one could say I have led a good life so far. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't party excessively, I go to church, I don't curse, yada, yada, but then again man's standards are different from God's. I cannot justify that I am a lesser evil for evil is evil no matter how big or small. It's like the concept of killing and stealing. Man may have set severity levels on these, but the Lord's laws see them as the same: SIN.
James 2:10 (NASB) For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all.
So there, I am no better than the murderers or the thieves that are locked up in prison or those in line for death row. I have no cause nor right to think I am better than anyone else. Ang galing diba? Our all-knowing God has seen this even before. He has known all this and has made the perfect laws.
Isaiah 55:8-9 (NASB) "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."
Anyway, the reason I'm blogging about this is because of a current discovery. Friends have been sharing posts through FB from Joy Mendoza's blog. She is the wife of Edric Mendoza and daughter of Pastor Peter Tanchi of CCF. She writes about the ups and downs of being a woman, a wife, and a mother. It's very inspiring really: her marriage, her motherhood, her personal walk with the Lord. What I like most about it is that no matter how imperfect everything is, she shows through her life how one always has a choice to pick the right side, God's side. I hope she doesn't mind that I'm sharing a link of her blog here. I wish as well that her blog encourages more people.
Love. Love. ^_^
