Post Break Up Busyness

Yup, that's right, we broke up. I actually mentioned it, but that's about it. No details on what went on between us. I never did share anything about that kind of stuff, and I'm not about to start now. It's called respect... to him and to what we had.

The aftermath of it all is that I'm currently trying to keep myself sane, normal, and really really busy so I do not have to think about it. As opposed to popular demand of bawling anywhere and everywhere, I have opted to go to work with almost no evidence of ever having go through any personal problems. When I feel the need to breakdown and cry, I do take the day or the half day off and hide in the comforts of home. Sure, I do have the unpredictable moments of remembering once upon a times, and the tears overflow, but then I get a hold of myself and tissue everything off. Unfortunately, society apparently dictates that I have to show them how miserable I am else they go judging me with god-knows-what. So to you pathetic losers who have nothing else worthwhile to do other than that: GO TO HELL.

Yes, I'm pissed, and as much as I would want to be the Piolo Pascual of this scenario, I do not have the patience nor the strength left in me to endure these unworthy brats' criticisms.

Moving on, I've turned my autopilot mode on, and have been living on routine the past few weeks. I wake up early and go right back to sleep for the lack of motivation to go through another day. When I finally find it possible to drag myself out of bed, I arrive late for work coz I simply don't care anymore; this will probably entail another memo for my excessive tardiness for November. Then I work through the day, a task at a time as though it's the only thing I know how to do. I don't try to feel or think. I laugh when something's funny, I rant when projects get delayed, I work. If this mechanical existence means that (1) I temporarily forget the loneliness and the pain, and (2) the insensitive so-called-friends will think I have gotten over things, then so be it. I'm tired of having to understand them and their opinions, when in fact they should have been doing this for me and Tan. For those people who actually think we owe them any explanations on what happened, you can go curl up and die.

So that's about it. I'm basically trying to keep myself incessantly productive; I'm just not sure yet if I'm succeeding or not.