+1 Happy Memory

currently grateful for the cheesy lines na bumebenta sakin kasi mababaw lang ang kaligayahan ko...

sigh. sweetest of dreams tonight!

Rollercoaster Christmas

for the lack of other stuff to blog about, and for the sake of hitting two birds with one stone, i'm ranting a bit again. and of course, updates!

geez! a day after chirstmas and my mom's back to her old nagging self. never contented and never pleased, she's always always always like this. it irritates me so. as though nagging is her answer to everything... to boredom and dare i say it...? --to lack of fulfillment in/with life.

my christmas was a bit boring, as usual, but otherwise awesome! haha, strange, yes, i know. i mean, nothing unusual ever happens to our family christmas. as with every year, everyone's asleep by the time the clock strikes midnight. i'm the only one up. the reason being the fact that i really love greeting that special someone right at that 12 o'clock moment. it's real nice to start an occasion with a sweet conversation. so, other than the usual boring-slash-sleeping-and-non-existent-bonding of the family on christmas eve, my 2 hour conversation with him was terrific. this year's christmas wasn't perfect, but soon, the following christmases will hopefully be.

what i found weird was the proposal-but-not-really-one 'round the wee hours of morning. can't really blame him, but still got a bit pissed. waking me up halfway through a dreamless sleep didn't help either. hay.

by the way, i should mention... spent christmas in fontana. dec. 24-26, 2009. had cutie gap with me.


got 3 days left in manila starting tomorrow, then off to hong kong i go. note to self: don't be a forgetful idiot again and bring the darn digicam charger. contemplating if gap gets to go with me.

Christmas 2009

um, how do i start? first off, i guess this year's better simply coz i got to attend more parties than i did last year. i was allowed stay later than usual. downside... the horrors of stressing due to lack of sleep and constant baking of batches and batches of cookies. everything's worth it though. ^_^

december 16, 2009, dmpi christmas party. the truth: it was boring more than half the time, but hey, i'm not complaining. still enjoyed myself. i know, i'm shallow. pics here. i think i got home around 1 or 2 in the morning. can't really remember right.

december 17, 2009, ericsson-dmpi christmas party. was not able to attend this. instead spent quality time... (yes, sadyang bitin) and prepped 4 batches of cookie batter, baked 3. 2 batches for core and a batch for nacm. the last one for habi peeps. still slept late. by late, i mean morning.

december 18, 2009, core networks christmas party. held at marilao, bulacan. kudos to the christmas party committee, especially to alex for planning and organizing the programs and presentations. would like to thank everyone for the "award" i got, too. (here it is... ang bigat ng binubuhat kong bangko... "most desirable queen") glad everyone loved the cookies. have uploaded pics, but too lazy to tag. see here. only part that sucked was the exchange of gifts. everyone was so busy with work that the wishlists came in late. as a result, we passed around P500 worth of GC and/or cash. T_T had a mini farewell for chad and ate nelle, too. not as teary as expected, but ok. left marilao at 1, got home around 2. slept at 3. i think.

december 19, 2009, woke up at 1pm, but pretty soon stress levels back at all time high. needed to wash clothes coz i'm about to run out. washing machine conked out. had to try and fix it... somehow did. simultaneously, i had to prep another 2 batches of cookie batter as ordered/requested by mama's hs classmate. also, in prep for habi christmas party, i had to bake the last batch of cookie batter made on the 17th... realized too late that lpg ran out. didn't know how to change to a new tank. too chicken to keep trying coz the gas kept leaking, and it makes this really loud and scary hissing sound. called jek to ask if i could bake at his house. jek's oven was a bit broken, but still usable. kinda had to estimate the temperature without any kind of measuring device, but hey, the cookies turned out ok. all's well. had a mini photo shoot c/o jek. was real maarte on my pic turn outs. hahaha. will have to wait for jek's uploads. anyway, got home, then had to bake the last 2 batters. real sweet of tan to stay up and wait for me to finish. especially since everything got done around quarter to 4. thanks.

next agenda... rest. ^_^

Trust Issues

pressure from life. sigh, i feel so rushed. i don't really understand why. sure, i do want to settle down and live a quiet life with a family of my own, but hey, not right now! i mean, my target has always been 27 or 28. so, again, why do i feel pressured?

all in God's time. i gotta have patience, faith... i gotta learn to let go and let Him take over. kaso control freak nga ako e. i need to learn to trust Him with all my heart and soul.

i thank Him for giving me *jacob*. he's wonderful in so many ways, and he makes me happy. we both got quirks, as everyone has, but somehow, i live with his and he lives with mine. i don't really believe in love at first sight, but somehow i always believed in that certain magic. i guess this is why i loved and still love fairy tales.

my definition of love: as much as i can't and don't want to define it, really... here's my idea of it.
love is a verb, not a noun... a constant and conscious effort and decision of wanting and doing what's best for someone without selfish motives. while on romantic levels, it may be attached to certain feelings of floating, happiness, and what not, it is not and will never be confined to just that. the giddiness, excitement, and cloud 9 experience may lessen or vanish, but if and when a person decides to love someone, everything would be worth it, just to spend the rest of life with him/her. love is not dependency. "i can live without you, but i don't want to."

sigh. ^_^

My First Fun Run

achievements:
1. completed my first fun run ever
2. ran 5k (even though shortest distance available was 2.5k)
3. finished the 5k without walking (first time! i was only able to do 4k on my last 2 practice runs)
4. finished at 39mins! (will have to wait for the official time tho... hopefully, hindi ako namalikmata)

being the over-achiever that i am, when i heard that 3rd place for female-5k was 38mins (edit: akala ko lang 38mins, mali pala rinig ko... 36 pala), i wished i ran a bit faster. hahaha, but hey, this was no little feat. i had my heart on it. ^_^ (yes, with the additional/double meaning that would probably get my officemates teasing)


see, i had the cutest shoes ever! black and pink. needless to say, i needed to have a bag that matched... so, see impulse buy...


nothing compares to today's sense of accomplishment. i looooveee it!

(edit: official results are in... i finished 10th. not bad. 1st placer finished in 32 mins.)

Found These Somewhere...

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”

“When you smiled you had my undivided attention. When you laughed you had my urge to laugh with you. When you cried you had my urge to hold you. When you said you loved me, you had my heart forever.”

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

Welcome Home

everyone, meet Gap.
don't mind the date stamp. as usual, i forgot to set it prior to taking the shot.
back to Gap... i swear, he's the cutest little thing ever! he's so adorable! i can almost hear him say "cowabunga, dude!" just like Squirt in Finding Nemo.

so sweet.
thanks.
^_^

while am at it, finally took the time to take a bit of pics as promised last shopping spree... still don't get A for effort though.
the 2 dresses... promise they look better on me than on the hangers.





















the shoes...

i absolutely loooooove checkered stuff!

the disposable watches...
the jacket's in the wash, mini speaker's tucked away somewhere, and i have no intention of showing the tube tops. ^_^

good night!

My Sweet Escape

ditched work today. good thing, too. both immediate superior and manager were absent. if i didn't have my leave today, i'd probably still be there at this time.

anyhoo... after 5 hours of shopping, i ended up with the following:
- a pair of shoes (checkered, of course)
- 2 dresses (so cuuuuuuuute)
- 2 tube tops (which from this day forth will be used as under garments only)
- 2 watches (probably disposable)
- a mini speaker
- and a jacket
not bad considering i didn't go over my 2k budget (this includes lunch for me and my brother, taxi, jeep, and bus fares)

call me shallow, but hey, i'm happy.

pictures to follow. too tired and lazy to take em now.

Over the Weekend

little almost-weekend news before the actual weekend stuff... good news: i'm back with HLR. yeyness. i get to do what i love again and get to let go of the dreadful international services kaplastikan.

now, onto the weekend madness.

warning: 2012 spoilers
after several complications and mishaps, was finally able to watch 2012. it wasn't bad, but it wasn't spectacular either. so-so... kinda disappointed none of the main characters died. not really being a sadist, but hello?! end of the world here. and what's with the noah's ark theme? don't you guys read the bible? um, rainbow and promise of not using water for total annihilation again... seriously, people! and here i'm not even religious.
anyway, ongoing work through the weekend meant i was being contacted by people both via voice calls and sms. apologies to those whose calls i was not able to answer. hey, i don't get paid on weekends. i did get back to you, anyhoo. and that's only coz malakas kayo sakin hahahaha.
i spy with my little eye... lol, even after the efforts of avoiding paparazzi: spotted, 14" manhattan meat lovers yellow cab pizza and sola lemon on hand... so, nothing to do but wait for the deluge of gossip and banter tomorrow.

on other news
lunch was boring, lunch was not happening, lunch had plans, lunch was good, lunch was great, lunch was weird, lunch ended. hahahaha.
i'm really liking this new chapter of my life. this time, i can't even hope to predict what happens on the next weekend. every once in a while, it's real good to have your world turned upside down and inside out.
congratulate me, i'm finally breaking out of the stagnation.

Enough

today is the day i'm fighting back. i have enough stress already and don't intend to accumulate more. so, today is gonna be a good day. (yes, just like a song)

need some new songs for my player. am thinking Katy Perry's one of the boys and hot n cold. hmm, and some old ones, too.

hope it rains a little. i miss the smell of rain.

Conceit and Ego Centricity

this is when i talk about me, myself, and i. with no strings to hold me back, and is not required to make sense.

the thing is, i can't help but be complicated. i desperately need to control almost every aspect of life as i know it. at the same time, i love surprises, spontaneity, and just living in the moment. i'd say i'm a walking contradiction. i have a hard time trusting fate and believing that whatever happens, everything's going to be all right. in the same ironic way, i find comfort and pain in hoping.
i always... always have expectations. of people, of friends, of loved ones, of the world. it's pretty selfish of me, i know, but i can't seem to stop having them. i realize also that my so-called non-existing patience has been there all along, just not utilized in all its potential. i have yet to decide whether or not i would.
i need to have a plan. concrete ones. ALWAYS. i need everything in place. i need to have goals and kailangan may patutunguhan.
i'm selfish. i need to know i matter, i need to feel i'm important. not in the way that i'm always the center of attention. i don't care much for glory. i just want certain levels of recognition, loyalty, and importance.
what's the difference between jealousy and envy? i think i'm one, but not both. which one is inggit and which one's selos? i think i'm on the latter's category. over the years, i may have developed a strong sense of self worth, and i have realized the fact that i get to decide if i'm worth something or someone. i know i have to be treated right. this i have for my own. no one else can have it.
i have yet to know when to draw the line. been best friends with denial for a long time, i've been her sibling --martyr.
i'm evil. i try and i fail. i hurt people, people i love and people i hate. both innocent and guilty. it's the same over and over again. doesn't mean i'll stop trying to be a better person though... in the mean time, the only way not to get hurt is to stay away.
love. i don't know how to love properly. if there is such.
i can't seem to stop thinking. i don't know how to feel. and maybe i don't want to. i don't want to be vulnerable. i simply can't be vulnerable. (the difference between can and may. and i'm intentionally using can't)

so darn SELFISH.

One

shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.

yes, i'm cursing... heavily.

Banned

so i'm temporarily banned from anything HLR related.
darn it.
i love doing HLR stuff. i love my work. It's some of the people i interface with that i hate. particularly the retarded ones.

bit of a background. i, together with my immediate superior, let's call him "ass" for assistant manager, no pun intended, i think... we're what we call a super team. we're the team that get things done. technically, our job covers anything and everything subscriber data related. equipment wise, we handle the HLRs. lately though, we've been handling additional projects of sorts for one or both reasons: 1. the designated team is... to put it bluntly, incompetent. and/or 2. the vp's power trippin'. anyway, we still accomplish quality work.
this week, our manager's attention was called due to stagnating roaming projects. so we had a meeting and lo and behold... vp: "i'm temporarily transferring jacq and emo guy to international services. they will report directly to manager. jacq will solely do international services planning work. emo guy will do the same but on top of his existing work. to help ass with the work, swimmer chic will assist. original roaming/international services team will continue to do engineering and implementation, but jacq and emo guy will do the planning. clear?" good thing emo guy's great to work with. he's not scatterbrained and he's pretty competent himself. downside? person from original roaming team, yaya (disclaimer: i'm not the one who called her this) is an asshole, and that's not only according to me.
so there. for the time being, i can't do anything under HLR. got reprimanded already thrice for issuing work orders. hehe. faced with a new challenge.
not 10 minutes into the new job, i got this email from yaya. she's basically ordering us (me & emo guy) to issue and have an access pass approved for the site survey. wow. 1. as i recall, "they will report directly to manager" was mentioned in the meeting. and 2. last time i checked, issuing the access pass was still engineering work. feeling boss much? anyways, we let it pass and i do the access pass as well as the site survey.
site survey was done with um... i'm running out of names here. lemme see... for the lack of imagination --tall guy. anyhoo, on the way to site, we shared insights. tall guy confirmed yaya being the epitome of an asshole. so that's all our department's girls, except one, plus 4 guys. all confirmed on actually hating her guts. sa lagay na yan, wala pa siyang 6 months sa office.
good luck

enough of the venting. i'm hungry. again.

of Aches and Pains

tried jogging. new sport? hobby? torture? half walked and half jogged my way round 7 laps of ultra's track last tuesday, october 6. ok, 2/3 walked. then on october 8, not wanting to break what i was able to start, i planned on jogging again. unfortunately, power outages confined me to jog in the comfort of my home instead. today, i tried again. that's three days now. i wonder how long i will be able to keep this up. lower body aches.

mom got her lumpectomy (?) operation yesterday. if i had patience and saw the point of a twitter account, it would probably look like this:
october 9, 2009
2am - just finished reformatting & reinstalling stuff on our dektop pc. ready to sleep.
6am - woke up early to accompany parents to the hospital.
645am - left the house.
803am - hate the makati traffic. arrived at makati med. accompanied mom to have dyes injected.
830am - had seattle's best hot chocolate and chicken pie. *yum*
945am - accompanied mom to OR.
1010am - mom got prepped. waited outside.
1030am - dad got coffee. can't piss coz nurse might come out looking for us and/or mom might need something.
1045am - dad still not back from coffee break. really need to go pee.
1050am - waiting area really really cold. want. pee. now.
1055am - dad finally back. gotta go pee.
1120am - dad inquires with OR. operation has started.
1130am - dad needs to go and "survey" parking area and check if car's park lights were left on. (probably an excuse to smoke)
1145am - so cold. have my jacket on already. gotta pee again. dad's not back yet. can't pee.
1200nn - dad got back. visited the restroom again.
1215pm - dad inquired with OR again. operation ongoing.
1220pm - dad went to "survey" restaurants and/or where we can have lunch.
1230pm - getting hungry. and sleepy.
1245pm - some random family's population (also waiting in the area) getting bigger.
1pm - lola from said family already invading my personal space on the seats.
115pm - hungry and grumpy. lola's space invasion increases. feet now raised on seat. *ew*
120pm - family evolves to a baranggay.
130pm - 3 seater accommodates a lola, a guy, a chubby lady, and me. dad decides to go get lunch for us. mcdo take out it is.
1:32pm - chicken burger, large fries, and regular orange juice, please.
1:50pm - got chicken burger, regular fries, and large orange juice instead. left to pee. again.
2pm - OR: operation still ongoing.
...
jacq curses and abandons twitter. patience ends here.

anyway, mentioned family increased exponentially in population. by the way, patient they were visiting and waiting for just had a torn stitch on his leg. personal space left: 10% of 3-seater. noise increases to xx db, failed to hear nurse's announcements. got pissed. thisclose to throwing a fit. mom's operation ended at 3pm. had to let her sleep for a while. in the mean time, we processed the bills. she had a pathologist, anesthesiologist, and the oncologist. one of the three had a doctor's fee twice the OR dues. the other had half the OR dues. and one had 1/8. (sounds like a math problem gone bad) everything totaled to more than 150k. God help us. well, most important thing's mom's better. the verdict was a good news of stage 1 breast cancer which hadn't affected the surrounding lymph nodes. she would still have to do the radiation and maybe the chemo though. i'm temporarily playing nurse. had merienda with dad's lady boss. food was eh... ok. then went on home. phone battery died. passed by little store to buy more food.

got home... a new story altogether.
main door's dead bolt jammed. keys were rendered useless. the bolt simply didn't want to turn. triple checked if we were trying to open the right door/unit. mom's sister and our cousin came to see how mom was doing. waited with us outside. finally had to call in a locksmith to force it open. dad bought new bolt to replace it. additional expenses. kaching kaching.

all's well that ends well. for now.

Ups and Downs

aftermath of ondoy was depressing... thank God pepeng's (slaps on the face to perverted people for this) course was diverted and its intensity decreased.
these typhoons are so annoying.

mama's results came back positive. as per the doctors, the stage cannot be confirmed until after the surgery wherein they would be removing the cyst. she has two options: 1. to remove just the part affected, or 2. to remove the whole breast. i think we're opting for the removal of the whole thing to lessen the chances of the cancer coming back. no schedule for the operation yet. the typhoon isn't helping either. elli's not cooperating, and needs to be fixed.

too bad dinner with friends got canceled. was really looking forward to it. missing people. missing them. missing my social life. missing a life. geez.

it's nice when you get to just talk to people. no definite topic, no definite points of conversations. you just... talk. it's amazing how much you learn from them, how much you start to know them, their personality, their attitude towards life.

logan echolls:
he's fiercely loyal, witty as hell, and pretty much awesome in every way. to quote veronica, he's "ownage". sure, he used to arrange bum fights and screw his friend's stepmother, but when you think about it... he's had the most f'd up life ever (gf brutally murdered, dad arrested for sleeping with and/or killing said gf, mom commits suicide, etc.) yet he still manages to love with his whole heart. (as quoted here)

i miss watching veronica mars.

Distractions

update: the failed quest resulted instead to chocolates, chocolates, and more chocolates, as mentioned here.
dark chocolate covered almonds + andes chocolate mints = bliss.

on a similar note, due to the inevitable, accumulated stress lately, Melvin actually gave in and accompanied me in my long overdue shopping therapy.

i so love the fact that yoshii fits in the bag with or without his pouch! ^_^

In Limbo

limbo

Noun

in limbo not knowing the result or next stage of something and powerless to influence it

found out my mom's got three cysts on her breasts. two on the left and one on the right. she's real scared about it. especially since our family's got a history. her mom had breast cancer, so did her cousin. i think some other relative had it too. we still don't know whether or not the masses she has are cancerous. hopefully we'll know soon.

i haven't decided on an emotion yet. confused and stuck in limbo at the moment. my mom's positively scared though. hope her check up tomorrow renders good news.

suddenly the quest for the bag seems... blah. the quest ends here.

Quest Day 2

apparently, the continuation's today. >.<

so we trooped along to podium during lunch break to continue our search. this time for lassie's shoes and still my ever so gorgeous bag. we were able to find cute not-so-high-heels for lassie at a reasonable price of 400php. i, on the other hand was left disappointed. to numb my depression a bit, we indulged ourselves to a scoop each of sebastian's chocoholics anonymous ice cream.

the best ice cream i've ever tasted so far. the best part? it's sugarfree! they use halo, "the good sweetener", and according to the sign... zero calories. too good to be true? maybe. but hey, the calories, should there be any, and the price (95php per scoop) are worth it! heaven. ^_^

...And the Quest Continues

i just don't know when.
all efforts last night were futile. i wasn't able to find anything even close to resembling the same bag. what i was able to find were 2 pairs of nice shoes. one was white and had white and green straps. looked real nice and real painful. although i didn't feel the pain yet when i tried them on. the other one was dark, glossy (not shimmering) blue, which was totally weird coz i didn't like the way it looked when i tried, but i swear it looked nice on the mirror. was not able to take pictures coz we were kinda in a hurry. did not purchase. have to think about it more. will provide pics if i decide to buy.
i ended up with 200g of dark chocolate covered almonds and a pack(/box?) of Andes choco-mints. must. last. at least. 2. weeks.
(edit: pics posted later... here)

Quest Day 1

thank God http://www.blogger.com/ isn't blocked here...

my quest for the gorgeous bag starts today. lassie and I are planning to go shopping this evening, probably at megamall or at st. francis. maybe we'd even get to browse at podium. she'll be looking for emerald green shoes to match the green semi formal she's going to wear this saturday at ate gretz's wedding. and probably a clutch. me, i'm going to look for the bag. hopefully i'd be able to get something similar without burning a hole through my dilapidated wallet.

speaking of wallets, thinking of buying a new one, too. (there goes my September pay check. budget? what budget?!) geez. ooohhh, a new pair of wedges perhaps? decimated my last one from celine.

to think i started watching the confessions of a shopaholic this morning, didn't get to finish the movie though. besides, i don't think i'm that... um, severe? i don't spend money i don't have.

anyway, wish me luck!

Wanted

please please please... help me find this or something similar. if it's not the exact same thing, take a pic and mms or email me. a different color's ok. i just love the design so so so so so so much!

i want, i want, i want... gosh! i sound like a brat. hahaha.

(edit: found the bag here. too expensive. T_T)

Learning Compressions

ok, so i managed to compress the first episode of fringe from 702mb to 189mb. the video quality degraded too much. so did the audio. hey, i'm new at this, give me a chance.

anyway, i have the following facts:
1. i obviously don't know anything on compressing movies yet.
2. i could probably live without compressing the movies and directly burning them into tv-watchable formats. 4 movies in a dvd is not so bad.
3. for the series though... either i learn more about compressing or get stuck with watching them on laptops/pc desktops.
4. or hey, i could convert them to psp formats and plug it to the tv. (downside: i'd probably burn out the psp during marathons. besides, i got 4G space only)

anyone got any ideas to make me even remotely literate on this field?

After X Years...

why don't they have calibri font?

is this cyan? the background's black, so i'm assuming this won't really blind anyone. leave me a note if it hurts. (edit: did kinda hurt... changing to... umm, coral?) (edit... again: background used to be black. not anymore)

had a blog site before. kinda misplaced it. went searching via confirmation emails, found the address, visited the site... didn't appeal to me anymore. so here i am. starting anew.

so after a while, i'm blogging again. i'm not really sure why. my theory at the moment is maybe i'm missing "just writing" and not caring what people say or react to what i publish.

anyways, here goes...

currently hiding out in the room i share with my two younger brothers coz a new-old split-type is being installed so we can have the whole unit (technically, it's 2 units) air conditioned. we're on the eighth floor and sure, the higher you are, the cooler it's supposed to be. but hey, this is metro manila, even the 31st floor's hot and sticky. yeah, from experience. they're boring a hole for the electricals to pass through, necessarily making a racket of a noise in doing so. it's sunday and i just hope we're irritating the hell out of our filthy, lying, dog/puppy-hating neighbors.

recently learned how to burn movies to dvd in a format watchable on tv-dvd-players. (yeah, i know, it's a bit late) learned an iota about compressing movies today. right now i'm at 63% of the practice run. should this be effective, i'm re-burning 90%, if not all, of my "collection". now, if only i can find the time.

speaking of finding time, after 2 months of OT, i finally had the leisure of checking my facebook account again. approved and ignored pending invites, and got congratulated by uncle mike on my re-joining society. should try and play some games later tonight.

pining for a shopping spree since last month. haven't had the chance to, though. hopefully next week. i so so so so need a new bag. and probably a new pair of shoes.

seriously, why don't they have calibri fonts?