Oh, Boredom... My Old Friend

i'm supposed to be enjoying the long weekend rest with sun and a whole lotta sand at zambales this long weekend, but the typhoon had to come and wash my dreams away. dramatic. can't really blame me. i've been burned out at work for the longest time. waiting for my maldives plan to push through.

somehow, there's nothing enjoyable left to do at the moment... can't connect with ragna. finished watching resident evil 1-3 yesterday. i wanna go shop, but my wallet won't let me. there is however a ton of clothes waiting for me to fold, but hey, note the word i used --enjoyable. i'd get to them in a bit.

finished book 5 of vampire academy. pretty good read though not the same caliber of harry potter. interesting enough. kaso bitiiiiiiiin. hehe. will have to wait for the next book.

New Toy

i gots me a new toy...


unfortunately, this proved both that i had very little, if non-existent, patience, as well as that i don't have a valid excuse for it since i was not really wired that way coz i could have waited or persevered longer if i wanted to... did i make sense?

ulit...
the purchase proved the following:
1. self control = 0 for shopping
2. patience = 0, but inexcusable since i was able to increase to round 50 when i wanted to
(i.e. it was nil when i wanted to jailbreak and not wait to ask for someone's help. boosted up when i decided to search the net to do it myself.)
3. i am awesome, lol, just happy i successfully installed stuff. pretty good for an apple product newbie

anyway, normally i wouldn't go through the process of learning stuff for apple products simply coz they're overpriced. considering though my ipod touch 4 is capable of wifi and caters to my muvi, music, and games needs... i gave in to dishing out 13,200.

What Do You Do On A Beautiful Friday Morning?

you blog about it, of course. ^_^ you blog to your heart's content! haha, for a few minutes, you forget about work and everything else that worries you and blog like there's no tomorrow. well, not really. after all, too much of something is always bad, right?

so here's to blogging just the right amount. cheers!

yeah, well, i'm babbling, and guess what? i don't really care much. today, i'm extra happy. last night had a simple celeb of my mom's 50th bday. sabi niya, she's very very happy. i'm happy for her. =) our family isn't really fond of big celebrations and the like. we're used to simple, quiet family dinners. the fact that we're complete despite the busy scheds keeps us content.

speaking of contentment. i gotta gotta remember the blessings i have and keep getting. must always be grateful and positive. focus my energy on good things.

running 5k tomorrow morning at sun's fun run for the sportsfest closing ceremonies. yey! missed running. hopefully i finish at a non-emabrassing time range.

If I Had the Resources, I'd...

...treat everyone to yellow cab's hot wings! yum!
...spend a day at enchanted kingdom. miss this, been too long since my last visit.
...go to tagaytay to have a picnic.
...have tons of pictures taken, since i only get 3 good shots out of a hundred.
...treat my bf's and my family to a spa for rest & relaxation.
...spend a week at an island somewhere with no network signal! anawangin? :)
...travel. travel. travel. shop. shop. shop.
...
simple joys

now, if i had a few million, i'd invest in a house. inside a village. 2 floors with a garage, a garden, and a laundry area. 4 rooms, 3t&b.

Geeky

as repeatedly confessed, it has been a while since i've done anything besides work. so for the longest time, i haven't had the chance to do any surfing... both channel and net. thank God for the final straw (davao trip), i'm learning to say no and deviate from the company's (or probably just my boss') overworked-underpaid-theme, which is so close to slavery.

i've come upon the following items browsing through http://www.thinkgeek.com/ and as usual, the geek in me delighted in the following:
item1: these are actually application magnets. picture them on your office wall/whiteboard or on your home ref. adorable ^_^


item 2: glowing keyboard stickers. it's the cutest thing!! i wonder if they have this in neon orange...


item 3: last but not least, the ex knife holder. hahaha, i swear that's what it's called. i have nothing against my exes, pero bumenta talaga sakin ito! haha.

that's it for now.
here's to having (and enjoying) a life outside work. cheers!

Davao Trip

last week, tuesday, short notice was received that i was to fly to davao for an overnight stay (wed x thurs) to do a stand alone test on equipment i have absolutely no familiarity with and supervise a cut-over i haven't been previously informed about. i was to leave my work to someone else, not really important who and get my ass shipped to davao.

now here come the rants:
1. WTH? i can't even begin to explain how messed up this move was. there was no one even remotely competent to take over my work for me (no offense meant to colleagues. i just mean no one in the office has ever comprehensively handled my work before) since this is just a one time thing and i don't get to handle msc/mgw in the near future, i have declared it to be a waste of time and resources. for one, i'd have to still do the work i'm leaving behind and in addition, would have to consume additional time in constructing grade 1 instructions for whoever takes over in my absence.
2. so, ok, i haul myself to davao, and ask for a hotel recommendation. i then ask for someplace near the site. boholand inn... of all god-forgotten places, i think this one takes the prize. since i don't have much of a choice and was at the time really really pissed off, in no mood to go search for anything else, i checked in. the creepy place was complete with mosquitoes (even though air-conditioned), dripping faucets, leaking pipes, chipped and anay-infested walls. it had the feel of a cheap motel with hidden cameras to record scandals and whatnot. but since i'm just staying there for a few hours, and would spend majority of my time on site, i tried to ignore it. BUT hell i wasn't taking anything off in that place. i'd just have to suffer 24 hours without a shower. (yeah, i know, eeew. that's how creepy the place was) the worst thing bout it was that it was far enough from supermarkets that i would have to take a jeep to get to one. needless to say, i was on starvation diet for about 24 hours. still not sure how i survived. i was so darn thirsty.
3. the stand alone test was fairly ok, and we got through it in less than 3 hours. unfortunately, the cut-over failed. if i heard correctly, similar problem was already encountered before. i guess they just didn't expect it to happen again or something. anyhoo, i was almost required to extend my stay. (--> no way short of holding me at gunpoint would i have agreed to this)
4. dragged my sorry butt back to the airport and ate. i was literally thinking "food, oh glorious food!" the meal wasn't tasty now that i try and look back, but hey, if you're hungry, everything's delicious. went back home and got this killer headache that i swear i get every time i come from davao. must be the durian stink overload.

being to misery's edge and back, i finally had my silver lining. had a nice movie marathon weekend with my wonderful bf. ^_^
all's well that ends well.

Pictures

i miss taking pictures. not really professional ones, not even those that look real good like they've been photoshopped or something. i just miss taking them. collecting, saving memories. just point-and-clicking. i'm not really gifted in this particular area. i do not have the talent nor the patience for perfect finish photos. i just really like keeping snapshots.

should've remembered to bring the digicam on last fontana trip. wishing for a trip to anawangin... 'round october. ^_^ haven't been there. sure would be nice to spend a few days far from work without cellular signal.

Not So Perfect Life

but close! ^_^

so it's the weekend again. i wanna take the time to extend my condolences to an officemate who recently lost her dad. i've met him once and can't really remember much. still, that one time i had lunch with them, he was nice. putting myself in her shoes... i'd probably break down. i can't imagine life without either of my parents. sigh. God bless you, las.

moving on to good things... tim came home with 2 variations of harvest moon for ps2, as i've requested. i like love this game way back to ps1 era! will try it after dinner i guess. (edit: tried the game, after 10 mins, i got dizzy. 3d graphics and i don't get along so well...)

spent the whole afternoon watching chic flicks so my boyfriend won't have to suffer watching them with me. hahaha, i want to think i'm considerate that way. got some lined up for us to watch together next time... prince of persia, the last airbender, and whatever else i'll be getting my hands on.

it's amazing how after all this time, i'm still crazy in love with him. it's a simple life and what we have makes me happy and content. it may not always be perfect, but everything's always worth it. i love watching him, just looking at him and thinking i'm the luckiest person in the world. i love thinking of ways to just surprise him, even with little things. i love hearing his "i love you's". i love cooking for him...

...which brings me to my next project. i want to try making chicken pot pie for him. haven't tried it yet. maybe tomorrow. ^_^

Bus Celebrity

i've been browsing through facebook after n years of not being able to check and/or update properly. found pics of people posing with the all too famous hostage bus. got my blood boiling in a few secs. i mean, what the hell?! really?! have you no shame? there's this stupid idiot who goes and hostages, not to mention, kills these poor innocent people and you not only display your lack of sympathy and sense of righteousness, but in addition, continue to prove your incredible stupidity by posing, taking a picture, and posting??? darn it! why do people take pictures? to keep memories. to relive events. to be proud of something over again. do all these apply to you dumb asses? really, explain to me how any of these make sense. what, you're proud of just being there? what's there to be proud of or about? for all we know, you were probably one of those people impeding the mobility of ambulances. you know what? you deserve all the foul words the foreigners are throwing at you. you deserve all the shame this country has received since that time. you deserve your place in hell for being such heartless freaks.

Like Hell

how can something from the past cause so much pain? why does it hurt so much? i wish i knew how to get over it that *finger snap* quick. feels like a fresh cut that gets deeper and deeper. i'm waiting for that part where everything goes numb, but it doesn't. it just hurts some more. suddenly the world around me is smaller, and i have trouble breathing...

Longing for a Perfect Day

it's monday. as usual, i'm not ready to face another round of work. i don't really have much of a choice at the moment. contemplating having to do this for the rest of my life. sigh. i want to stop the world from turning. well, ok, just the part where i work my ass off and get underpaid. i miss breaks, summer breaks, sem breaks, christmas/holiday breaks, and whatever else there is. i miss vacations, beaches, adventures, getaways...

i want to run away, get far far away from here. leave behind the stress, the work, the pressures. i want to wake up with tan beside me, and a smile on my face. i want to watch the sun rise, feel the wind through my hair, have a nice breakfast without needing to rush to anything. i want to sit on the grass, listen to birds and bees, smell flowers, run through fields. i want to swim, feel the water on my skin. i want to watch the sun set and dream of painting the horizon. i want to walk on the shore, collecting shells as i go. i want to relax, cuddle, and talk. i want a massage, scented candles, and dinner by candlelight. just a day... just one perfect day... someday ^_^

Oh Dear, It's August!

i think i skipped right through july, and yeah, most of june. been either real busy or really lazy the past month and a half, had mood swings that shattered me worse than ek's space shuttle ever could, threw the best birthday surprise for my boyfriend (well, the "best" label was from him. i actually think i could do better if i was less busy with work and had more time and resources.), and finished the twilight saga for the nth time. i guess i could also throw in the selected movies i had the chance to watch, and the little shopping sprees i cheated stress with.

so, um, where do i start? i should probably narrate the changes at work first... just when i thought i was already adjusting to the fact that my work's got me wrapped around it's little finger, i get the rude awakening of cold, icy water splashing though me and everything i currently "control", and realize that it's about to rein me in some more --think ball and chains, the whole shebang. i'm already handling 2 systems... this to me means 15 individual equipment, plus a testing and installation team that isn't really involved with my 2 systems, but i have to "manage", and a whole lot of other crap... i get to work one day and receive an email straight from the vp wanting me involved in all international roaming activities. geez. my constant line then was "tingin ba nila naglalaro lang ako dito sa opisina araw-araw kaya ako dinadagdagan ng workload?", but obviously, accepting defeat was never an option, so i toughed it up and went on. then, on the third week of july, my immediate superior informs me that he's moving to canada permanently, his last day: july 30. i'm trying to psych myself up that there'd be not much of a difference anyhow since i've been somewhat forced to be independent since re-org-day-one. i'm confident that technically i'm more than capable. the only handicapping factor is that this will be a one to many bout. they haven't hired replacements yet, so i 'll be holding the fort for a while. yes, i've considered other options, complained about the sucky hr, ranted bout the lack of benefits whatsoever. for now, i'm doing this one day at a time.

so next. the mood swings. well, at the time, they were more than that. they were actually my personal brand of hell. i crashed and burned, and was most of the time helpless. i got really scared of auto-piloting myself to self destruction, destroying relationships i had with loved ones, because that was what it felt like i was inevitably doing. i cried a lot, and asked myself a lot of stupid questions, most of which, i already knew the answers to, yet i held on, wrongly and foolishly, to the doubts. i tried to find a way out of the hole i fell into, but the more i climbed, the deeper i found myself. i didn't understand any of it, i didn't know why it was haunting me. i'm not really sure at the moment if i'm meant to understand it at all... but everything eventually went back to being ok. i don't know how it did, and i'm not sure if it will come haunting back, but like with everything else, i'm taking this one day at a time.

even without explaining, people probably know right off the bat that i'm not adept with editing stuff. by this, i mean audio and video editing, even photo editing and whatever else there is. so it took a lot of patience and effort to finish my mini project for tan's birthday. i started brainstorming ideas a few weeks before. i bounced them off his close friend, eybi for a bit. he helped me with a few suggestions and was incredibly supportive. i then proceeded to invite friends to a small surprise dinner for tan. God sent out his blessings, particularly evident through jen volunteering her place. i was low on options so i gratefully asked for the favor. that friday night i was especially thankful for friends, realizing they were not only his, but mine now as well. he said it was the best birthday he ever had, and just like that, the late nights, the cramming, the fatigue, everything was worth the smile and thank you i got from him.

8:00am to 7:30pm, that's almost half a day. i actually spend that much time at work. geez, it's a wonder how i ever get to have time for everything else. so, i've watched inception with the family, and sorcerer's apprentice with my boyfriend. hmm, i liked inception's concept. the execution though, i'd have to think about. i most definitely have to watch it again. 4.5 out of 5 stars. ^_^ as for sorcerer's apprentice... to start with, i was never a fan of nicholas cage so i wasn't the least bit excited to watch this one. my verdict: pambata. it was a simple story with a simple plot and a happy ending. 1.5 out of 5.
oh oh oh!!! i got to watch eclipse with tan, too. i didn't even bother to hide my kilig on those special moments. i got tan smirking, but i was happy that night. i remember. happy and content. a simple but perfect monday. =) i can't rate this one, i'm biased.

that's about it for now. tomorrow's monday, another week. will spill on the stress induced shopping next time. in the mean time... i'm living life a day at a time.

Counting Blessings

(humming: count your blessing, name them one by one. count your blessings see what God has done. count your blessings, name them one by one. count your many blessings see what God has done.)

i'm thankful for tan:
i'm thankful for family:


i'm thankful for friends: (sayang walang maayus na pic with core girls++, saka habi peeps)

i'm thankful for my job, although sometimes it most definitely sucks. hehe. i'm thankful for the rain. i'm thankful for friday x saturdays.

Climbing Out of the Hole

hit rock bottom recently. still having a hard time climbing out of the deep hole i fell in. bouts of depression here and there. sometimes, even paranoia. yeah, so might as well call me crazy. been there, done that. actually wondered if i was... am. geez.
so anyway, i'm just thankful my bf's always there for me. he's not really patient with most things and/or situations, but with this, he tries his darnest to understand and calm me. and i'm very very grateful.
lessons learned: i have to learn to count my blessings more often. the Lord giveth and He can take away anything, anyone, anytime. i have to hand over the reins and have faith that everything will be ok.
in today's world, and the life i live at the moment, there's very little of God in it. i'm ashamed to admit it, but i had to. now, i'm in the process of reconnecting with Him. i have to try harder though. sometimes, especially when things seem to be back to normal, i slowly slip back to the old routine. then before i know it, i'm back in square one feeling those bouts of sad emptiness again.

malachi 2:2 if you do not listen, and if you do not set your heart to honor My name, says the Lord Almighty, I will send a curse upon you and I will curse your blessings. yes, I have already cursed them, because you have not set your heart to honor Me.

scary... hehe. sigh, i'm still in the process of finding my way back to Him, and i really need all the help i can get. i need to remember that He's always there for me. so is tan, and my family.

When It Rains, It Pours

darn you, problems!
the timing for everything usually sucks, then i get hit by the avalanche of issues piling atop of each other. hay, when will this end? i've been pining for a vacation since... i don't know, last year? this time, i'm not asking for rest or relaxation. i need excitement and adventure. everything's been redundantly mundane lately --wake up, rush to the office, work for at least 10 hours, job/run at ultra (on tuesdays and sometimes thursdays), come back home, sleep, do chores, and repeat. it's summer, and i'm either stuck at work or at home, and the next definite plan i can look forward to is not until feb next year (i'm going to bora, woohoo). don't i even get to have a summer outing? am i really that anti-social?
it's been downhill since holy week. hopefully, things will pick up soon.

Ahhh... the Wheel of Life

ang buhay ay parang gulong... sometimes it just runs you over without warning.

my ex’s fiancé died last thursday night. she got run over by a trike. sad story. i’m not retelling. anyway, my ex is probably devastated. they’re both decent people who don’t deserve this. for the tricycle driver: i do hope you rot in hell… soon. sigh. they were getting married this september. and despite the consequences, i was happy for them. then this happened. and it sucks.

"just when you think things can't get any worse, they do. i've learned that life is like an hourglass. sooner or later, everything hits rock bottom. all you have to do is be patient and wait for someone to turn everything back around."

Everything's Clearer Now...

but my wallet's lighter. hahaha. got my glasses today. trying to get used to wearing it. i look like a geek but that's what it takes for me to see beyond ten feet.

been somewhat of a gastadora this month. in my defense, some of them i really need. see below list of purchases/expenses and corresponding justifications and/or pethetic excuse:
1. 6 shirts - i think i only have 3 tshirts prior to this purchase
2. a pair of shoes - my old ones leave ugly marks on my feet
3. girbaud red wallet - um, birthday gift to self?
4. eye glasses - technically, this came in today, but i decided on the purchase last month. as per APE (annual physical exam) this one i really need.
5. bag - will be used every tuesdays when i run at ultra after work. my old one's torn.
6. family lunch at racks - they twisted my arm for this. this one i HAD to do to prolong life and avoid bodily harm.
7. shades - um... ma-cute kasi? saka mura lang... saka magsusummer na... saka sabi ni mama bagay sakin... saka... weh. ok, this one, i can't justify.

February

the best month ever... yeah!

ok, so i didn't die on my 10km suicidal run on century tuna's superbods run 2010. see results:
this is good. considering it's my first time to run 10km. the sense of accomplishment is overwhelming; even more than the time i finished my first 5km run last december.
to see how haggard i was running long distance, click here.

then on the 24th, i celebrated my birthday. a big thank you to the people who greeted me. ^_^ special thanks to tan, who made it the best birthday ever. (i'm not posting a link for pictures for personal reasons, just look for them on my multiply. some pics not posted tho.) too bad i forgot to bring my cam for last night's habi dinner.

looking forward to march. yey!

Century Tuna Superbods Run 2010

yet another first for me, yey! ^_^ ran 10km without stopping, resting, and/or walking. most i did before this was 7km. wasn't able to note my official time though. will have to wait for the official release on tuesday probably. no impulse buy and major purchases this time, though. can't really tell if it's a good thing. hahaha.
too bad i was not able to take a pic with feli and jek. aw. kinda hard to look for people. also left my phone in arjay's fx. had pics in ton's phone... anxious for the uploads.
oh yeah, and i'm back to eating anything i want tomorrow. lolz. remember hypocrite post here? hay. so hard. scared to weigh myself. wimp. hahaha. actually avoided eating out-of-the-ordinary-menu stuff this past week in prep for the superbods run. didn't want a ruined tummy on run day. to my relief, everything was a-ok today.
anyway, i'm loving this. so proud of myself! hearing him say he's proud of me too makes me feel even greater. now, how do i deal with the muscle pain tomorrow? ;)

What's in a Name?

yes, i appreciated the shout out. it was sweet. it was nice. it could've been sweeter and nicer if you'd have spelled my name right. ^_^

here's the corrected version:
sweet ^_^

oh, and got this sweeter surprise when i logged on to ym:

Incompetence

i hate having to wait for something so long only to find out i would have to wait a whole week longer. darn it!

here's the story: i applied for a line from sun cellular. it's for my brother. anyway, me, being one of their employees, i thought it would hasten up the whole process somewhat. i can't tell you enough how wrong i was. the approval took more than a week, and when someone from the branch texted me that the application had been approved, i replied to ask about the requirements/documentation needed should i want someone else to claim for me. guess what? they didn't even have the decency to reply. i shudder to think about the reactions of those non-employee slash regular customers who apply and receive the same treatment. well, i went there this afternoon to claim the handset and sim. i waited with a number for over 40 minutes, and when my number finally got called... to my dismay and increasing irritation, the handset was not available.

hello people!? right there on the application form, there's a tick box. i ticked the phone i wanted, well, my brother wanted. how hard is it to check the application and reserve a phone? why do you even bother to text the customer when you don't even plan on accommodating to their needs? for crying out loud, you're front liners! it's a simple no-brainer job, all you have to do is be nice and have common sense... ok, maybe i'm a little harsh here... scratch out the no-brainer comment.

hayz.

Road to a Better Me?

first thing! a little less than a week before my shopping ban-end, i failed. splurged on 6 shirts... 6 cute cute cute shirts. ^_^ my yatot gave the me disapproving look for a bit, but it's ok. was on passive mode for a month, anyway.

pampered myself and had a pedi yesterday coz my feet look so old already. note to self: spend less time on heels. had my callouses scrubbed and now them feet look good as new, but i would probably have to revisit after 2 weeks, just to condition.

next on the agenda, diet. not to lose weight, but to live healthy. been on instant-diet for the past month already. canned goods, fast food, instant noodles, coffee, junk food, soft drinks, you name it. now, here's the proposal. i sift through my cookbooks (which are actually compilations of internet "researched" recipes and various yummy magazines) and somehow hopefully manage to put together a passably healthy menu that's easy to make and doesn't consume too much time, then shop for it and implement on a daily basis. next, make a timetable that we could stick to, which entails an early to bed, early to rise policy. hmm, what else? i should probably stay away from the stress. the question is how?

to be continued...
continuing...

i just got back from a trip to trinoma, which just inherited a whole new rant. i just lost my momentum on this one. see next blog instead.

Birthday Blues... Errrr, Not Really

i am so pining for that red wallet at girbaud. hay, luho. it's a want, and far from being a necessity, but it's so so so so so nice. as pointed out by tan, i usually just point a finger at stuff and declare, "oooh, i like that.", but that wallet, i really really wanted it. hahahha. fact remains that i don't need it yet. sigh.
funny thing --was able to read tan's mind and blurted out: "no, you're not getting me that wallet for my birthday!" hahahaha. actually, i think there was an "or else..." statement attached to the end of that. kainis daw ako coz he was supposed to go back for it after he takes me home. haha.
wanted to avoid thinking about it, which is precisely why i didn't snap a shot of it, but apparently it's still on my mind. ^_^ do i buy it for myself on my birthday?

recall: wishlist

Books Books and More Books

did a bit of spring cleaning. can't believe i've accumulated so much junk already. i share a room with my two younger brothers and we have shelves to put our stuff on. guess which one's my space... hahaha. now, where could i put in my yummy magazines? due to public demand and the lack of space, i've decided to give away some of my books. hopefully, others would get to enjoy them as much as i did.

Valentine's Day

anxious for valentine’s day? yeah, a bit. can you tell? don’t really want to expect anything, pero can you blame me? hehe, haven’t felt like this in a long while… happy and contented. i’m loving this simple life. just hating the tags, labels, stereotyping, and general judging of people. i so feel like a bug under a microscope. why does society have that urge, that itch to dictate how people should or shouldn’t behave?

currently in limbo, a different kind of limbo than before, but I don’t mind. we don’t have the labels –boyfriend and girlfriend, or currently dating, or mutual agreement, or what not. it’s just that we don’t feel the need to categorize, yet. the fact is, we’re happy with each other. the commitment is present, the contentment is there. what more do we need? i doubt society’s approval would make us happier than how we already are. sure, it’ll make things so much easier, but hey, who says we really care what they think? after all, we’ve established long ago that what we think of each other matters most, and that’s about it. was actually talking to Karz about this, this morning. she totally agrees with me.

so bakit nga ba hindi pa kami? i mean, we already act like it. because… 1. i want the friendship there. forever. 2. we’re not really in a hurry, anyway. as long as we know where we stand, we’re ok. 3. our families don’t have any idea yet of how serious this is, and somehow, I’d like to give them a head’s up before coming home and blurting out “hey, guess what? kami na.” the best thing about this? we share almost everything, down to religion. didn’t seem like it before, but it’s a big thing for me. nakakapanibago, pero it feels incredibly nice and different... good different every saturday when we have our short devotions. it's a good peaceful feeling. ^_^

2010 is a good year. definitely a good year.

Overworked and Underpaid

i'm back to not-really-graveyard. sigh. this is seriously messing up my body clock. again. darn. night activities without having him to come home to sucks. long story. anyway, last night was a complete waste dare i say it. it was pretty stupid. no one knew what the expected results were, not even the vendor support. wasted so much time checking and trying to solve a problem which wasn't one in the first place. idiots. hay.

shopping therapy, i so long for you. sigh. whoever came up with this shopping ban hates me. seriously hates me. T_T (...refusing to remember that the shopping ban was self imposed thus pain is self inflicted. mahusay.)

impending doom on the 21st of this month. i'm running 10k for century tuna's superbods thing. for the record, i haven't done this before. farthest i have completed without walking was a little over 5, but hey, here's a nice suicidal challenge. hahahaha.

Oh, i should mention i completed 5k at the ultra prior to attending last night's activity. hahaha, was pretty tired and out of it, but it felt good, and it being my "first day", it's a good achievement. ^_^ binawi nga lang lahat ng inexercise when we ate bbq after.

by the way, on the way home from work this morning, heard fm statis's tonight again on the radio. it's growing on me. loving the song though it's a bit on the sad side. i just keep remembering his voice and they way he sang it. it's soothing and knee-weakening.

Senti Mode

listening to fm static's tonight. sigh. remembering the times he played his guitar and sang to me. the first time was over the phone. kilig moments. hahaha. this is what i do almost every time i miss him: listen to songs he sang for me.

soundtrack includes the following:
tonight
knocks me off my feet
214
you're a god
broken strings
shots (this one just reminds me of him coz he likes this one a lot)

he's got the most incredible voice ever. :) kailan kaya mauulit?

no definite plans for valentine's day yet. all i know is that we're going to church together. i'm not sure if there's anything else. :) not complaining though. been happy since november when i "met" him, and everything just keeps getting better! doesn't really have to have occasions.

Worth It

last friday, we had what could be our biggest tampuhan ever. it wasn't really a fight coz we weren't really mad at each other; we just had issues. first off, i'm thankful it happened on a friday. being the crybaby that i am, i cried a third of the night. didn't want to face him with tears, so he found out too late. also, as luck would have it, my nose suddenly bled and my stomach started to ache major pain. needless to say, we worked things out eventually. ^_^ well, the good part, it wasn't really us. i just remember praying so hard for God to fix what i messed up. spent saturday making up for the time we wasted being sulky with each other. the feeling of clarity that everything is going to be ok, that he will love me no matter what, that we learned something new about and from each other, that we are actually growing together with God's guidance... it's peacefully satisfying.

this is from the devotion we took the time to have yesterday:
perhaps your world has crashed around you. it may be a deeply personal loss, a tragedy in your family, or some other great trial. Jesus' resurrection proved that He is greater than the greatest obstacles. He can rebuild your life --as He did with His disciples --starting today.

our saturdays are wonderful. i look forward to each one. for a change from the weekdays, we have short devotions for our spiritual needs. it's wonderful being able to do this, share this with him --that he's not only a christian by name (literally and figuratively). we take turns reading to each other, which is both sweet and effective. haha. then we reflect.

it's a fairy tale in the making. no need for happy endings, just sweet sweet beginnings and happily ever afters.

Chug Chug Chugging Chug Chugging On

yesterday: got night activity again tonight. still debating on whether or not to ditch half day's work tomorrow. geez. seriously lacking motivation lately. dum-dum-dee-dum. contemplating on my boss' survival if i filed for vacation leave... um, let's say, for a week? i so long for an 8-hour work day with little or no OT required and a job description that doesn't include being on call (official or otherwise)

today: activity supposedly-ended at 4:30am. didn't have to go to work after all. spent the day sleeping slash qt slash smiling a whole lot. no crime in being happy, really really happy. it was simply wonderful. been such a long time since i felt like this. totally happy and contented, but as they say, every feeling comes and goes so i'm not banking on this to last perpetually... i'm just in the moment, enjoying it and looking forward to the next time the butterfly lands on my shoulder again. today, i loved waking up... 3 times! loved sleeping in the safest place on earth. loved the conversations. loved simply looking and appreciating. loved getting mesmerized. 24 hours really aint enough sometimes.

Birthday Wishlist

i know my birthday's a month away, but i've decided to give them jacq-loving people a head start. see, i'm thoughtfully selfish. hahahahahaha.

lemme see...

1. since i was not able to get this bag, i'm putting it in.
2. vertigo prune laptop bag (it's supposed to be for macs, but hey, still love the bag... and hello?! it's purple!)

3. a surprise... anything.
4. love letter. can never get enough of those.
5. boots!! no specific kind yet, but not knee high though. something for everyday office use.
6. coat. long. red. ^_^
7. anything else from my bucket list.

What Life?

just got home from a church event. had fun. went there with tan, invited chad and anne, too. the sermon was good. at first, as with usual church things, it was boring, and i found myself yawning every now and then, but it got better and a whole lot interesting eventually.got me thinking, though. am i really on the right path? well, i don't really know which path i am on right now. i'm guessing i'm going around in circles like at a rotonda or something, trying to decide which turn to take. so far, my life consists of work, work, and more work. as for my social life, it's thisclose to being kaput. hmm, i get to go jogging on tuesdays with tan and whoever is free from nacm. as for jek, they have soccer, then. also, by the time i finish work/ot and get there, they're half past tired. i used to have running sched during thursdays, too. during then, i go with my officemates, but lately i kept passing due to night activities. hopefully, i get to go this coming thursday.

i miss pia. i miss habi peeps. guys, when do we get to go out? seriously, people... rescue me from work overload. hello?! it's not yet the end of the month and i already got 50 hours of OT under my name.

Let Me Lie

down...

i need sleep so bad. i just want to curl up and have a long deep slumber. had two night activities last week, and another two this week. would have been a whole lot better if they had lasted til 6am, that way i wouldn't have to go to work the next day, but they didn't, so i had to be present the next working day. i love the work, but the load and timing sucks. seriously, why can't we hire one additional person? anyway, you make do with what you have... chugging on, chugging on...

i want to leave. i desperately need a vacation. been saying this for the past year or so, i think. darn. need. to. make. this. happen. i need to get away, away from work, from the pressure, from the endless cycle of working life.

stress caught up with me this afternoon. i gave up, caved, and had dq's chocolate extreme and mcdonald's large fries. yum. felt a bit better afterward, but was/is still tired.

Will Wait for the First August Rain

ganito ba talaga kapag may namimiss? nagiging emo? hahaha.

been listening to "relevant" songs for the past 30 minutes already. by relevant, i'm pertaining to those songs he played and sang for me, songs i like, songs he likes, songs we both like... point being, i like having someone to miss. knowing he misses me too is the icing on the cake. ^_^ makes me look forward to the next time we'll see each other again.

"missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will."

in the mean time, i get to have alone time, which is really quite relaxing if people at home could stop bugging me for about 5 seconds. i have bout 6 books in line. hopefully i'll get to finish one today. wonder if i could go swim tonight?

tomorrow's monday. i'm not exactly excited for work, tamang motivation lang. i think i get to have my new-old laptop tomorrow. still having mixed feelings leaving my old desktop behind. but hey, i'm moving forward. will do formatting and installations tomorrow. back up stuff. please please please let the laptop have a decent dvd burner.

still pining for that shopping spree. patience is holding, i think. :) a month and a week more. i sure could use a pleasant surprise or something to break the monotony of everyday office life.

shout out to pia... pia! we gotta go out and do something, just not shopping yet. haha

Night Activity

i missed this.

this time around, everything's better. :) for one thing, i don't have to worry too much about commuting alone to site at the dead of night. i'm safe. only drag is that your body clock gets so messed up you can't think straight during the day... but hey, i get to spend more time with one special to me.

thing is, i'm being so selfish letting him do this for me. he needs his rest. so much more than i need my sleep.

when the drowsiness threatens, what do you do? well, in my case tonight... i blog about nothing and everything.

recently, i've been finding humor with having night activities simply because i'm almost always in win win situations. see, if he's on night duty, i get to work and spend time with him. if he's not, i still get to spend time with him right up to before i start my activity... (because he's sweet that way). if i'm not the one attending the activity, ok pa rin. hahaha.

my nightly savior for the past few activities... skittles. i'm back with the old addiction. skittles wild berry. yum! helps a bit in prolonging my otherwise below zero alertness.

concentrate. focus. stay awake and conscious.

soooooo sleepy. kind of just babbling right now. every bone in my body's tired. i need to rest. i so so so so wish i could just go back to my safe place and sleep. but i can't. not yet. oh well.

hopefully, tonight's work ends 'round 5 or 6 so i'd have the rest of the day to myself.

Chalk One Up for Learning Something New

was able to edit my blog layout without knowing anything about html. am i cool or what?! hahaha, excuse the shallowness. i'm proud of myself. after half an hour of tinkering with this, i finally have a new downloaded-then-customized layout. yay, me! see facebook and multiply buttons? so cool. modified the colors a bit, too. see, green and pink look good together. cuteness!!

reached my learning quota for the day. next...!

It's a Sunday for Crying Out Loud

i really thought i'd be out like a light today. was up until 'round 4am this morning coz of dysmenorrhea and something else. woke up to my asshole of a brother raising hell on purpose. when i told him to shut the hell up... well didn't really, just made an annoyed sound kinda like zzzhhhshhh! then used my pillow to cover my head... anyway, when i did that, his response was "pakialam ko, tanghali na." ASSHOLE. nevermind that i was up 'til morning namimilipit sa sakit, lalo pa niya sinadya lakasan yung boses nya at nagsisisigaw. damn. thinking bout all those times i was nice and let him sleep peacefully in the rat's place of a room we share, after his gimmicks with his friends... hay, lech!

so, instead, i'm blogging my irritation out. it's called venting. i do believe it's healthy every once in a while. hey, shit happens. i'm just still having a hard time understanding why it keeps happening to me. probably coz of the many unfortunate people in the world, i'm the lucky one (insert sarcasm here) who gets to live with two of the biggest assholes in the universe. good God, what have i done to deserve this?

ok, so it's a sunday, and i'm bored out of my skull trying to think of stuff to do. initially thought of putting together my long-time-planned-but-never-got-to-do-scrapbook. started friday. stopped and finally admitted i have no artistic talent whatsoever... wait, scratch that, make it i have no talent whatsoever. geez. ran out of photopaper, and motivation. it'd be a whole lot cooler if i was doing the scrapbooking with someone who shares the same want to have memories. oh well, rockwell.

hey, something good happened this start of the year, though. lookie what i got for the new year:

a word/promise kept and a love letter in one. got it january 5, 2010. cool. good start... great start.

moving on, i'm pining for a shopping spree yet again. what?! new year, ergo new wardrobe and new stuff. yeah, i know, lame. ok, fine then. i'm not shopping for any selfish thing until my birthday. happy? now, to actually find the patience and restraint to do that...

hey, before that, i got valentine's day to look forward to. whoever said valentine's was only for couples was sadly mistaken. i'm single (but not available) and looking forward to it.

2010 shall rock!